Motherhood Mondays: tribute to Erma

Erma Bombeck was such an interesting lady and her legacy is a role model-type example for me. She was a popular American humorist and a very real mother. Through her writings she came along side the mothers of the U.S. and Canada and made them smile, helped them retain that ever-elusive "positive" perspective, and reminded them that they weren't alone.

I like reading her stuff. I would've just loved her if I had gotten a chance to be her friend. From what I've read, it seemed like even if you disagreed with her politically - if you were a mom, she made you feel like you were on someone's radar or at least understood. (Want to read more about her? Click here.)

So today's Motherhood Monday is a tribute to Aunt Erma. We could use a few of these voices now-a-days.
When God Created Mothers
by: Erma Bombeck

 When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into his sixth day of “overtime” when an angel appeared and said, “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.”

And the Lord said, “Have you read the specs on this order?

• She has to be completely washable, but not plastic;

• Have 180 movable parts... all replaceable;

• Run on black coffee and leftovers;

• Have a lap that disappears when she stands up;

• A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair;

• And six pairs of hands.”

The angel shook her head slowly and said, “Six pairs of hands... no way.”

“It’s not the hands that are causing me problems,” said the Lord. “It’s the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have.”

“That’s on the standard model?” asked the angel.

The Lord nodded. “One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, ’What are you kids doing in there?’ when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn’t but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say, ’I understand and I love you’ without so much as uttering a word.”

“Lord,” said the angel, touching His sleeve gently, “Go to bed. Tomorrow...”

“I can’t,” said the Lord, “I’m so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick... can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger... and can get a nine-year-old to stand under a shower.”

The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. “It’s too soft,” she sighed.

“But she’s tough!” said the Lord excitedly. “You cannot imagine what this mother can do or endure.”

“Can it think?”

“Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise,” said the Creator.

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. “There’s a leak,” she pronounced. “I told You You were trying to push too much into this model.”

“It’s not a leak,” said the Lord. “It’s a tear.”

“What’s it for?”

“It’s for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride.”

“You are a genius,” said the angel.

The Lord looked somber. “I didn’t put it there,” He said.


Beth said...

I love her stuff. One quote I always think of was from a list she made close to the end of her life. It was things she would have done differently if she could do it all again.

"I would have still invited people over even if there was a stain on my sofa."

Love that. That helps me somehow.